The False Notion of Choice in Patriarchy (Or Any System of Oppression)
Contemplating a quote from ‘Chance: Escape from the Holocaust’
27th January was Holocaust Remembrance Day and I happened to be reading ‘Chance: Escape from the Holocaust’ by Uri Shulevitz. The following lines from the book stuck with me:
"In early 1940, there came an order from the Soviet government in Moscow, the capital, that all refugees must register. We were given a choice: get Soviet citizenship or return to Nazi-occupied Poland."
This quote reminded me of the complexity of choice in a system of oppression. Are the choices given to the oppressed really fair? And what do fair choices actually entail?
What do fair choices entail?
Fair choices are ones that do not pose a threat to the person making the choice. Choosing one wouldn't mean sacrificing something, like one's life, one's dreams, one's freedom, one's desires. In fair choices, choosing either would be safe and the decision isn’t made due to the threatening nature of one choice over the other.
Getting Soviet citizenship is a choice, and the other choice would be to not get the citizenship. It would be fair if both meant that the person wouldn’t be deported back into a land of atrocity. But look at the choice given to them. It isn’t a choice as much as it is a threat: “Get the citizenship or return to certain death.”
In a system of oppression, what people call "choice" is a false notion. The oppressed person chooses one because, ironically, they don’t see any other choice.
Are choices in a system of oppression fair?
In one of the recent misogynistic encounters on The Feminist Gaze's Instagram page, a man who called himself a "proud misogynist" had put up several points of arguments in the comments section to prove that patriarchy doesn't exist and that women aren't oppressed and that feminists are weak. One of his arguments was this:
He asks what if women denied doing housework? His argument was that since a lot of households employ domestic workers, and it is the man who pays for that worker, he believes that women hold no real responsibility of housework. He also talks about how forcing a woman to do domestic work can be considered domestic violence and a case can be filed against a man, but if she denies doing the work, the man cannot file a domestic violence case against her. You might’ve already noticed how half-witted his argument is, but let me make it clear:
Do households employ domestic workers? Yes. Is it because the woman in the house has no responsibility? No. In most households where domestic workers are employed, it is because the woman is unable to take care of all the duties by herself. Either she has her day job to get to or the house has too many chores she cannot handle by herself. It's like asking a man to run a company by himself. And if he employs anybody else to distribute the work, then criticizing him for denying to do all the work by himself.
Secondly, what is the gender of most domestic workers employed in Indian households? Female. And her caste? SC/ST. So, no matter a woman of a rich household or uppercaste household is unable to bear all the housework, the labour is distributed to another woman, not a man, and being a caste-infested society, the burden ultimately is more for a woman of SC/ST caste.
Thirdly, forcing a human to do something they do not wish to is harassment. So when a man forces a woman to do domestic work by exerting violence in any form, a domestic violence case can be and must be filed against him. But a woman denying to do something is not violating the man in any way. So no case can be filed against her. This misogynist really considers denying men services amounts to domestic violence. That’s the kind of privileged life he has lived.
In any case, asking “what if a woman denies to do the work” is like asking a construction worker “why don’t you just deny doing construction work?” in response to them raising their concerns. People in a lesser position of power cannot deny doing certain services because if they do, like the misogynist answered himself, the person in power will abuse them. A woman cannot simply deny doing the housework because she does not have any other choice. If she doesn’t do it and the man also doesn’t, the house and its residents will go to ruins. Moreover, the man has the power to toss her out of the house and society has the habit of shaming her, so the woman fears for her safety and dignity, and does the housework without denying. There is no fair choice here.
In another incident when I was interning at an ad agency, which had predominantly male workers who were either indifferent towards gender issues or were straight up misogynistic, and the few women working exhibited signs of internalized misogyny, I was fortunate enough to have a fellow female intern who was also very much sensitized about gender issues.
On one occasion, when the topic of domestic work came up, one of the men complained that his wife wanted to grind the breakfast batter in an outside shop rather than at home. He said doing it in a shop would be unhygienic and the taste would also be different. When I told him his wife probably wasn't able to do it herself, he told me "Why can't she? One time, I made her dosas because she was feeling tired and she asked me to make them once more because I apparently made them well. If I give her a little space, she'll ask for more."
To give you an idea, his wife also works a day job, she takes care of the kids and the housework, and this man, who only ever comes to sit in front of a computer and work complained about preparing one meal. When I asked him how it was fair to leave both outside work and housework to just his wife, his response? “Working outside is her choice. She can stop working and stay at home.”
Right. Women can just stay at home and rot within four walls. You see the false sense of choice the oppressors give? Choosing one would mean giving up on her dreams and her freedom. It’s not really a choice.
Conclusion
So to conclude, is there a choice in patriarchy or any other system of oppression? No. And any fair choice that the oppressed person does get is one they earned from resisting the system and fighting the injustices and insecurities caused by that system.
Never forget you fought for your choices. Don't let the oppressor tell you otherwise.